![]() But fear not! I have actually attended a performance in the past, and I will endeavor to describe it to you. I chose the latter time to visit, of course. The schedule in irregular some months they have multiple performances just about every day, while other months they’re only open five or six times a month. Alas, the place was shut up tight when I last visited. Inside, of course, is where all the action is. They’ve also managed to train genuine English ivy to crawl up the side of the castle, as you can see in the second photo below. This hulking castle is an impressive and rather unexpected sight as you tool along the highway, and of course it includes all the basic accoutrements, from giant heraldic crests to a partial moat (filled with historically inaccurate koi, I fear). Given the hefty price, obviously this is not something you’ll want to do every weekend, but it makes for a memorable vacation event while you’re in town. For an extra ten bucks each you can get the Royalty package, which includes preferred seating, a banner for cheering on your knight, a commemorative program, and of course a souvenir DVD. ![]() How much, you may ask? Well, how does $52.95 per adult sound, and $37.95 for the kiddies? And that’s just for the basic package. However, it’s a great show and it’s a lot of fun, if you don’t mind paying through the nose. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s probably anachronistic as hell and a lot tamer than the real thing, and of course the people involved are all actors who take great care to ensure that modern sensibilities are not bruised (all though they do call their serving girls “wenches.” But then, so do I). As it exists today, Medieval Times does what a few other places, including “The Magic Time Machine,” try to do and fail miserably at: it replicates a small part of the lifestyle of a bygone era. The franchise actually dates back to a Medieval-themed restaurant and dinner theatre in Spain, way back in 1973. Officially known as “Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament,” this fair establishment is part of a chain with nine locations across the USA. So hey, if you want to get medieval on someone’s butt-tocks (as a brilliant Forrest Gump parody of Pulp Fiction once put it), this is the place to do it. It’s called Medieval Times, and while the prices inside are straight out of the 21 st century, the goings-on are positively, well, medieval. ![]() There’s an oddly provocative castle plunked down on the edge of downtown Dallas - right next to one of our main arteries, Interstate Highway 35 - where all and sundry can see it. ![]()
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